After several years of maintaining sealed lips on the rape scandal that saw him spend seven years in a French prison, former Super Eagles’ dependable defender, Godwin Okpara has finally come out to narrate his ordeal.

In an interview granted to TheCable, Okpara, whose exploits in the colours of Nigeria’s national team received global reviews in his hey days, said he attempted suicide at some points while in prison but was only prevented because he did not come in contact with pills which would have made death easy for him.

“Many times I wanted to commit suicide. Two things stopped me: hope of seeing my children again and the fact that I would have needed to hang myself if I wanted to do it ─ if I had access to pills I would have done it. I saw many inmates do it and I understood why they had to,” Okpara said.

His brush with French authorities started in 2005 when he was arrested on arrival at the airport in Paris after his vacation in Nigeria.  He was prosecuted for rape, sex with a minor and assault. He was convicted and made to serve a seven-year jail term alongside his wife.

The former Paris Saint-Germain defender breathed fresh air of freedom again last year in January 2013 and was promptly deported to Nigeria. He has since been keeping a low profile, as attempts to have him tell his story had been repeatedly rebuffed until now.

Okpara, who had the rare privilege of playing for Nigeria at all levels, has been battling with trauma caused the series of misfortune that have besieged his family.

He lost his first son to cancer. The other two children are now in foster care in France while Godwin is back home a recluse in Nigeria and his wife still in prison.

In Okpara’s words, “many times in my room I break down and cry; I break my things in frustration and I wish that I had done things differently. Maybe opened my eyes more and been aware of things happening around me. My faith in God has kept me sane since this ordeal started and His Peace has been my peace.”

One of Okpara’s top priorities at the moment is to clear his name of the public opprobrium that trailed the scandal. “I will pay any price possible to clear my name. I would love to see her and ask her why she has done this. To beg her to tell the world that I did nothing to her,” he said.